Independence Day

Well, it's been quite a while since I've posted anything. I had planned on writing something for the Fourth of July, but I forgot my User Name, so I couldn't access my account. For the past week or so, whenever I had time I would go to my log on site and put in User Names that I use on other sites, and today I finally got it right.

So anyway, I decided to go ahead and post what I had planned. It's a little bit late, but I don't think it's out of date.

Today we celebrate the Fourth of July, known in the United States as Independence Day. History tells us that this is somewhat of a misnomer as independence did not actually come to the American colonies on July 4, 1776. That was merely the day that the Declaration of Independence was adopted by the colonies as their statement of the reasons they felt it necessary to sever their political ties with Great Britain. Independence did not actually come until after countless soldiers and civilians had died in a bloody, sometimes unpopular war. Despite the fact that we Americans celebrate July 4, 1776 as the birth date of our country, our beginning as a nation did not truly begin until after the ratification of the Constitution.

Still, this document, The Declaration of Independence, was the beginning of the process that created the United States. This document declared to the entire world that they who were seeking independence were not doing so without due consideration of all the ramifications of their actions. The writers and signers of the declaration fully realized the large-scale consequences of their actions, namely, war. They also understood, on a personal level, that as soon as they put pen to paper to sign their names, they would be forever branded as traitors to their mother country and subject to death by the crown. Still, they signed.

The Declaration of Independence is not a long document, but its significance cannot be overestimated. This document set in motion the events that would lead to the founding of the greatest republic in the history of the world. Because of this document, a nation was created wherein the “…unalienable rights” of mankind are not only recognized, but guaranteed and protected. This document led to the acceptance of the belief that all people should be free to speak as they please, believe as they please, as well as have all the other basic freedoms that would later be enumerated in the Constitution.

I have attached a copy of The Declaration of Independence at the end of this essay. I would hope that all who have read this far would take the few minutes necessary read and ponder its message.

The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. —Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain [George III] is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

The signers of the Declaration represented the new states as follows:

New Hampshire
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts
John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut
Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania
Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware
Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland
Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia
George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia
Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

Some Thoughts on the Documentary, "The Mormons"

My wife and I watched with great interest the television documentary, “The Mormons,” on PBS on April 30 and May 1. After taking nearly a week to ponder the program, I felt the need to share a few thoughts on the subject.

The program appeared to me to be about as fair as one could expect. I’m sure that many members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly referred to as ‘Mormons’) would have liked for the program to have shown the church in a bit more positive light; however, it was not designed to be an advertisement.

It appears from this documentary that many non-Mormon Christians have a very difficult time accepting one of the core beliefs of the Latter-day Saint church, namely, the Joseph Smith story. Most people are simply unable to accept the belief that a young man of fourteen-years-of-age actually spoke with God and Jesus Christ, was visited by an angel, and was given golden plates, which he translated, the translation later published as The Book of Mormon.

This story, the Joseph Smith story, is fantastic, to say the least. Indeed, the rational mind does not accept such a fantastic idea. That being said, it begs the question: When looking at Christianity as a whole, is the Joseph Smith story really so fantastic?

Truly, the rational mind does not accept the belief that a man could heal others by a touch or a word, that a man could alter the chemical composition of water to change it to wine, that a man could bring the dead back to life, that a man could walk on water, or that a man could die and return to life. The rational mind is unable to accept these ideas. And yet, the Christian world, in general, accepts these ideas without question. These beliefs, although completely irrational, are central to Christianity. Belief in Christianity requires the believer to suspend reason and accept that which is unreasonable.

Critics of Mormonism typically ask for proof where no proof is available. Joseph was alone when he claims to have been visited by the Father and the Son. The plates of gold, according to Smith, were returned to the angel, Moroni, when the translation was completed. There is no archeological proof that the events described in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ ever took place. The truthfulness of the Joseph Smith story hinges on his testimony and the testimony of a small number of men who claimed to have actually seen the golden plates.

On the other hand, where is the proof of Christianity? What proof do we have of a virgin birth? What proof do we have of the healings? What proof do we have of the feeding of the five thousand and the four thousand? What proof do we have of the resurrection? The truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ hinges on the testimonies of a small number of men who claim to have associated with Him over a period of approximately three years.

But does the lack of absolute proof mean that the testimonies are false? Of course not. Can we know if the testimonies are true without having physical evidence? Of course we can. In fact, we can be misled by physical evidence. Physical evidence is open to interpretation. We can only know by receiving a witness from the Holy Ghost. A passage from The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ gives the promise:

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.
4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.
(Moroni 10:3-5)

I have put this promise to the test. I have read The Bible. I have studied the life of the Savior. I have also read The Book of Mormon and have studied the life of Joseph Smith. I have received a witness from the Holy Ghost that Jesus Christ truly is the Son of God, the Savior of the world. I have also received a witness from the Holy Ghost that Joseph Smith truly was called by God to be a Prophet in these latter days, to restore the Gospel of Jesus Christ and establish His church once again to the earth. I testify to you that if you will put this promise to the test that you, too, can receive this witness. And I testify of these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

IDES

Copyright 2007 by Big Dave

Mary Jane Smith hated having to check in at the Illinois Department of Employment Security office every thirty days—this was the fourth time she had had to come—but she risked losing her unemployment compensation if she didn’t show up, so there she was, waiting. Finally, at 4:00, her name was called by the caseworker. He escorted her to his office and motioned for her to be seated.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Smith,” he began, “my name is George Rogers. I’m going to help you find a new job.”

“If you can do that, then I guess it will have been worth the wait,” replied Mary Jane. “I can’t afford to be out of work much longer.”

“This place has been a madhouse today…” Mr. Rogers began.

“Yeah, I know,” interrupted Mary Jane, “my appointment was supposed to be at two.”

“I’m sorry about that. But because of that, I haven’t had a chance to look over your file, so maybe you can fill me in on some of the information I need. Where was your last place of employment?”

“I worked at Acme Flange.”

“And what did you do there?”

“I was the administrative assistant to the vice president in charge of sales. I typed letters and estimates, took minutes at staff meetings, arranged his schedule, reminded him of his wedding anniversary and his wife’s birthday,” Mary Jane recited, unconsciously numbering the duties on her fingers as she spoke.

“A real Girl Friday,” Mr. Rogers said.

“Yes, I guess you could say that.”

“And why did you leave Acme Flange, Ms. Smith?”

“Acme was a small company, Mr. Rogers. It was getting more and more difficult to compete with the larger flange makers, so, about five months ago, they went out of business,” said Mary Jane, making a that’s life gesture with her hands.

“Yes, I remember that now. We’ve had quite a few people from Acme register here. It’s too bad that a company like Acme should have to close up shop. I always thought they made the best flange money could buy. Oh well, that’s the way it goes sometimes. But I have a position that you may be able to fill.” He stood and turned to the file cabinet beside the desk and began leafing through the folders in the top drawer. “Here it is,” he said, a bit of triumph in his voice.

“Now let’s see, how old are you, Ms. Smith?” he asked as he sat back down at his desk.

“Twenty-seven.”

“Tell me, are you a natural blonde?”

“Yes, but…”

“And your eyes are blue, aren’t they?”

“Yes, but what do my hair and eyes have to do with a job?”

“Let me read you the qualification: Intelligent female, mid-to-late twenties, prefer blonde with blue eyes, attractive in appearance,” read Mr. Rogers, his eyes remaining fixed on the folder.

“What do they want,” asked Mary Jane, “a secretary or a call girl?”

“Actually, Ms. Smith, neither. It’s a position for a surrogate mother.”

“A what?”

“A surrogate mother,” replied Mr. Rogers. “A gay couple would like to have a child, but they’re afraid that asking someone they know to be the mother might cause problems later on, so they’re willing to hire a woman to have one for them.”

“Well why don’t they just adopt one?”

“Apparently, Ms. Smith, you’ve never tried to adopt a baby. Almost anybody can adopt a child over two, but babies are next to impossible. I’m old enough to remember the time when if a woman or a girl got pregnant out-of-wedlock, she gave the baby up for adoption. But now, single women either keep the baby or have an abortion. Quite frankly, if you’re twenty-seven and have never been pregnant, you’re probably in a very small minority. Besides, this way one of the men will be the baby’s real father.”

He looked down at the folder again, “They’ll pay five-thousand dollars per month until you become pregnant, ten-thousand dollars per month during the tem of the pregnancy, and another twenty-five thousand dollars when they take custody of the baby. They will also pay all of your reasonable living expenses for one year and all the medical expenses associated with the pregnancy and childbirth, unless, of course, you are already covered by an insurance plan.”

“Surely you can’t expect me to have sex with someone I don’t even know! Especially if he’s gay!” She crossed her legs and began tapping her foot softly on the carpeted floor.

“There’s no sex involved, Ms. Smith,” Mr. Roger stated calmly. “It’s all done by artificial insemination. We’ve found it best in these situations if the employer and employee never actually meet. That keeps the employee from causing any problems after the employer has taken custody of the child.”

“Situation? Employer? Employee?” Mary Jane said, a bit confused. “You make this sound like a regular job.”

“This is the first time you’ve been unemployed, so I guess you didn’t know,” said Mr. Rogers.

“Know what?”

“Surrogate Mothering has been a job title listing with our office since 2011.”

“And what if I’m not willing to accept this position?” Her foot tapping had become more rapid.

“Just a minute. Let me check something,” said Mr. Rogers, sorting through the papers on his desk. “Let me see. Let me see. Yes, here it is. Umm. Okay. Right. Well, I’m afraid, Ms. Smith, that since this job pays more and has better benefits than your last employment, if you refuse to accept this position, you will no longer be eligible for unemployment compensation.”

“That doesn’t seem fair!” Mary Jane argued.

“Try to see it from the state’s point of view, Ms. Smith,” said Mr. Rogers, still calm, “we simply cannot afford to continue providing benefits to someone just because she doesn’t think she’ll like the work assignment.”

Mary Jane got up from her chair and stepped to the doorway of the office. “Well, I guess there’s always welfare!” she retorted, her face flushed with anger.

“I’m not an authority on the welfare system, Ms. Smith, that’s a completely different government agency, but I think you’re going to find that if you don’t take this job, you won’t be eligible for welfare either.”

“Look,” she said bitterly, “I had a job waiting for me while I was still in business school and I started working the day after I graduated. I’ve been working all my adult life. I’ve paid taxes. Taxes that have supported the welfare system. Are you telling me that I can’t get any of that money just because I’m not willing to have a baby for some people that I don’t even know?”

“Like I said, I’m no expert on welfare, but I’m afraid you’re going to find that that’s the case. Besides, I really don’t see the big problem here. They just want you to have a baby for them. They don’t want you to raise it…”

“Well, what if I decide I want to keep the baby? I suppose that since I’m the mother, I’ll have the right to do that, won’t I?”

“Yes, of course you can keep the baby if you decide that’s what you want to do. But since you will not have fulfilled your employment contract, you’ll have to give back all of the wages they paid you. And the father will also have the right to sue for custody. I really don’t know who the court would be more apt to award custody of an infant—two gay men with careers or an unemployed single mom.”

“You surely must have some other positions that I’m qualified to fill, don’t you? I’d even be willing to accept a job that pays less than I was making at Acme,” she said, still standing.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Smith, but I really don’t have anything else at all right now. In fact, this is the first job opening that’s crossed my desk in six weeks. Now that the laws have been changed to allow almost unlimited immigration and so many companies are moving their factories overseas, we’ve reached the point where we just don’t have enough jobs for everyone who wants to work. You can look at yourself as an example. You’ve been out of work for about five months now and you haven’t been able to find anything else on your own, have you?”

“No.”

“So what do you say? Do you want this job?” he asked, tapping his pencil on the open folder. Then encouragingly, “Once this job ends, you’ll be eligible for unemployment benefits again.”

Mary Jane Smith wearily slumped down into the chair and sighed.

Urine Test

This is the text of an e-mail I received from my daughter yesterday. I’m not sure who to credit as the author; however, since the author writes at the end, “Pass on if you agree,” I’m assuming I have his/her permission to publish it here. I am going to go even further and suggest that if you agree, send it in an e-mail to your state legislators.

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit.

In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on their a ** .

Could you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

Pass on if you agree

An Elevator Ride

This story’s really short, but it’s kind of amusing. Maybe next time I’ll write something serious.

Copyright 2007 by Big Dave

They boarded the elevator together. He pushed the button for the ground floor. She politely said, “Four, please.”

As the little room began to descend, the two of them stood silently, watching the lights blink on and off, telling them which floors they were passing. As the light for fifteen blinked on, then off, the elevator came to a stop. The man and the woman both continued to just stand there silently, expecting the doors to open. After a reasonable amount of time, they both realized there was a problem.

“Looks like we’re stuck,” he said. “Same thing happened last week. Took an hour-and-a-half to get it going again.”

“Why don’t you try pushing the buttons?” she said. “Sometimes that will get it started again.”

“Sounds like you’ve ridden on this elevator before,” he said.

“Five days a week for the past year. I work for Murray and Wilson on thirty-nine.”

“No kidding. I bet you know my ex-wife.”

“What’s her name? Does she work in our office?”

“Her name is Mildred Finch. She doesn’t work there. Murray was her lawyer for our divorce last year. With the settlement he got for her, she doesn’t have to work anywhere.”

“Now I remember,” she said. “Mildred Finch. She’s the one who got the really big settlement. Right?”

“More than she deserved for the two years we were married.”

“Well, that’s community property for you,” she said. “You only have to be married one day and she gets half, he gets half. You did get to keep half didn’t you?”

“More or less,” he said. Then, “Look, pushing these buttons hasn’t done any good. Maybe we should try calling for help on the emergency phone.”

With the biggest smile she could muster, she said as sweetly as she could, “What’s the big hurry? Oh, by the way, you haven’t remarried have you?”

Blogs

I’m still pretty new at this blogging stuff, so before I get too far along I want to let you know about some of the blogs I enjoy. The links are listed below.

http://toddreynolds.blogspot.com/

http://greenestake.blogspot.com/

http://subtlesales.blogspot.com/

http://dailynooz.blogspot.com/

The first one belongs to my nephew, Todd Reynolds. Todd is a musician/songwriter, so this site includes downloads of his music with his ramblings about the songwriting process as well as what’s going on in his life.

The next two are written by my friend, Grant Greene. The blog at http://greenestake.blogspot.com/ is entitled “Musings of a Warped Mind.” The one at http://subtlesales.blogspot.com/ is called “Subtle Sales Improvements.” Both titles seem to me to be self descriptive.

I found the fourth blog, http://dailynooz.blogspot.com/ , while surfing the web. They don’t actually update it everyday, but it’s usually funny and always interesting.

Well, that’s it for today. Check out these blogs when you find the time. Don’t forget to come back to mine occasionally.

Suicide Hotline

Here’s a story I wrote a few years ago. It has never been published. I hope you like it.

Copyright 1988, by Big Dave

A late night telephone conversation:

Voice #1: Hello, you’ve reached the suicide hotline. May I ask your name?

Voice #2: Do I have to tell you my name?

Voice #1: No. Not if you don’t want to. How can I help you?

Voice #2: I…I’ve been thinking about killing myself. And I’m going to do it! Don’t try to talk me out of it!

Voice #1: So then, why are you calling?

Voice #2: I’m not really sure. I guess I just wanted to tell someone. To let somebody know why.

Voice #1: I’m here to listen if you want to talk.

Voice #2: I’m not certain I can really explain why I want to do it. I’ve felt this way for a long time. Now just seems to be the right time.

Voice #1: Has anything important happened recently to make you feel this way? Divorce? A death in the family?

Voice #2: No. Nobody’s died. I am divorced, but that was a long time ago—ten years. Besides, I’d been suicidal long before I ever met my husband. Ever since I was a little girl of eight or nine I’ve thought about dying, and how nice it would be.

Voice #1: So, you’ve been suicidal since early childhood. Were your parents abusive? Did they neglect you?

Voice #2: No. No. Nothing like that. My folks were the best. I was an only child so they gave me all the attention I needed. They were always telling me I was a good girl, and how proud they were of me. Papa always had a good job, so I usually got whatever I asked for. I always had pretty dresses. I suppose you could even say I was a little bit spoiled.

Voice #1: Weren’t your friends jealous of you?

Voice #2: They never seemed to be. Mama didn’t have to work, and our house was sort of the meeting place for all the kids in the neighborhood. I always had the newest toys and games so all my friends always wanted to come over and play with me.

Voice #1: All right, then, how about if you tell me a little bit about your marriage?

Voice #2: Actually, there isn’t much to tell. Robert and I got married right after college. I worked while he went to law school. Two years after he passed the bar, he decided he was in love with one of the law clerks at the office, so we divorced.

Voice #1: That must have been difficult for you.

Voice #2: In a way, I suppose it was. Naturally I was hurt—I felt betrayed. But I also looked at it as sort of an opportunity—a chance to be out on my own for once in my life. At first the freedom was kind of nice. I just never realized I’d be free this long. But that was a long time ago. I don’t want to kill myself because of Robert.

Voice #1: Do you know why?

Voice #2: You know, there are days when I could give you a dozen different reasons. Then there are times when I can’t even think of one, but I just know that I want to do it. I suppose I must be crazy. Everybody wants to live—people dying of cancer, or starving, or whatever—holding on to what little bit of life they have. And here I am. I’ve got everything a person could want; and yet, I can only think of how nice it would be to die. Tell me something, did you ever go to Disneyland, or an amusement park, or a carnival when you were little?

Voice #1: Yes…

Voice #2: Do you remember how you wanted to do everything, see everything, ride every ride, eat all the cotton candy?

Voice #1: Yes…

Voice #2: And then you went back, say twenty years later, maybe you took your own kids. Only this time, you didn’t need to see everything, ride every ride, and you probably didn’t even want any cotton candy. Have you had that experience?

Voice #1: Yes, I guess I have, but I not sure I understand what you’re getting at.

Voice #2: Don’t you understand? That’s what it’s like for me. I’ve come back to the fair. I’ve seen everything I want to see. I’ve ridden all the rides. Now I’m ready to leave. I’ve been ready to leave since I was seven years old!

Voice #1: I thought you said you were eight or nine when you first began thinking about dying.

Voice #2: Seven! Eight! Nine! What difference does it make? Since I was a little girl! Daddy’s little girl! That’s who I was—Daddy’s little girl, Mommy’s little helper. Then I got married, so I was Robert’s wife. Mrs. Robert Jenkins! The perfect wife! The perfect hostess! Mrs. Robert Jenkins! Never Amanda Jenkins or just plain Amanda! Mrs. Robert Jenkins! I put him through law school! I kept house for him! We lived together! We made love together! Then he throws me off for some pretty face at the office! Damn him! I’ve spent the last ten years trying to—what is it they used to say?—trying to find myself, trying to figure out who I am. And you know what I’ve discovered? I’m nobody. Nobody at all. I’ve spent my entire life being what somebody else wanted me to be. And now there’s nobody for me to be anything for.

Voice #1: You don’t have children?

Voice #2: Robert and I planned to have children. We always talked about having three. But we put it off until he finished law school, then until he could move up the corporate ladder. Then Miss Prettyface came along and all our plans were done. There was a time when I thought I’d like to have a child, but I’ve resigned myself to the fact that that’s never going to happen. I turned forty last month. Oh, I suppose I could still have a baby, but I’m not sure that I really want one. Still, you can’t imagine what it’s like knowing you’re never going to be a mother. It’s like something very precious has been taken from me, and there’s no way to get it back.

Voice #1: Have you ever tried suicide?

Voice #2: I’ve tried twice in the past year. Once, I bought a bottle of sleeping pills. I had the bottle open and the pills in my hand, but I couldn’t put them in my mouth.

Voice #1: And the second time?

Voice #2: The second time, I bought another bottle of pills and drove to the hospital.

Voice #1: That seems like a strange place to go.

Voice #2: Well, I knew from the first time that I might not be able to go through with it and I was afraid if I changed my mind after I took the pills, I might hurt someone else trying to drive myself to the hospital half-asleep. Besides, I couldn’t stand the idea of my body not being found for days, or even weeks, if I did it at home. I thought if I died in the hospital parking lot, a doctor or a nurse would eventually find me in my car. They’re used to seeing dead people, so it wouldn’t bother one of them. So I sat there in my car, listening to the radio. Then I took the pills. I think I took twenty-four.

Voice #1: What happened?

Voice #2: I didn’t realize they would take so long to work. I just sat there. Waiting to get sleepy. Waiting to die. But the longer I waited, the more afraid I became. So after about an hour, I went to the emergency room. They gave me something to make me vomit. Then they pushed a hose up my nose and down to my stomach. Then they pumped some kind of charcoal into my stomach. They said it was to absorb any of the toxins left in my system. After that they took me to the Intensive Care Unit so they could monitor me while I slept—I slept twenty hours.

Voice #1: Quite an ordeal.

Voice #2: You know, it’s funny. There have been times since then when I’ve thought that maybe I really did die that night and that this life that I’m left with is actually hell. Crazy, huh? Anyway, you’d think something like that would have cured me, but…

Voice #1: But?

Voice #2: I guess maybe I was cured for a while. But after a few months, I began to think about again—about how I might do it right. I wasn’t something that was always on my mind, just every now and then. Sometimes I’d be in my car and I’d think about how easy it would be to just turn the steering wheel sharply and let the car roll over. Some nights before I’d go to bed, I’d pray that I would just die in my sleep.

Voice #1: But you haven’t acted on these feeling?

Voice #2: No. They’ve always gone away before I tried anything.

Voice #1: And now?

Voice #2: I’ve been having these suicidal thoughts for the past two months. Almost constantly. From the moment I get up in the morning until I fall asleep at night, dying is always on my mind. Is there anything you can do to help me?

Voice #1: Well, you’ve called the right place for help. We know that sleeping tablets aren’t the answer. You’ve tried them and they didn’t solve anything. I don’t usually recommend this for women, but in your case, I think it may be the best solution. I would suggest a hand gun. It’s messy, but it’s quick and it’s sure. For $200 I can have a 38-caliber pistol delivered to your home within the next thirty minutes. If you don’t have a valid gun permit, I can sell you one with the serial number removed for $250. We prefer cash, but we do accept major credit cards.